I have a friend who lately was saying No to all my invites. Am I being dumb for inviting him for more? After so many years of living on this earth, after reading so many books, after interacting with so many different types of people, after all my life experiences, I still am not sure how people think sometimes.
I guess I may not have encountered too many 'No's in my life, atleast not where it mattered. I don't like rejection (who does?). And as a matter of practice, after a few nos, I would have stopped calling. But after a decade and more of friendship, things are harder. And not so clear cut. I dislike situations where people don't tell me what they feel and I, not knowing if I did wrong or they just prefer things differently, don't know how to act. I feel so clueless, and helpless.
And when I don't understand things, my brain goes high powered. Damn! Was that a curse? From Me? I rest my case. For now.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Post-Holidays Blues
All good things come to an end. That's sad, but that's the way life goes. C'est la vie.
Life could not be just the fun. It had to come with hardships, heartbreaks and hardwork. That's why it's samsara. Some people call it the school of hardknocks. Guess what's the lesson life teaches us?
After the awesome week of xmas-new year, where could I go but back down to earth? That were moments when I totally forgot all my troubles and worries and was just completely in the moment.
My family being around was the greatest joy. Everybody feeling as if they were away on vacation was fun. Watching the kids play and make fun was priceless. I'm glad I bought my place.
When everyone left after christmas, I suddenly didn't know what I wanted to do. I was lost. Then the New Year plans started and I was buoyed upwards again. The plans made and more got executed, and now it's back to daily life.
Sigh!
Life could not be just the fun. It had to come with hardships, heartbreaks and hardwork. That's why it's samsara. Some people call it the school of hardknocks. Guess what's the lesson life teaches us?
After the awesome week of xmas-new year, where could I go but back down to earth? That were moments when I totally forgot all my troubles and worries and was just completely in the moment.
My family being around was the greatest joy. Everybody feeling as if they were away on vacation was fun. Watching the kids play and make fun was priceless. I'm glad I bought my place.
When everyone left after christmas, I suddenly didn't know what I wanted to do. I was lost. Then the New Year plans started and I was buoyed upwards again. The plans made and more got executed, and now it's back to daily life.
Sigh!
Full Schedule
I've not had the opportunity to sit and finish any blogs for the past few days. I've been busy, what can I say?
There were just no breaks at work. It's one deadline after another. Being chased by one person after another. And then, there were talks (rumors) of pay-cuts. That sucks and quite disheartening. Not that I work solely because of money, but that's an important factor. Work satisfaction is all important but if there were no compensation, who could afford to work?
On to a lighter note, other than work, it had been fun, fun, fun! I guess fun could be tiring too. Too much of a good thing, you know... I've been meeting up with friends, going shopping (I'm still standing) and catching up. Catching up with friends and catching up on my shopping...
I don't think I've shopped like this for ages. It's shopping everytime I went out (Other than the New Year BBQ), starting 24 Dec. And we had to go shopping for the BBQ too! This was a reminiscence of my US xmas-new year shopping 06/07! Ofcourse nothing could beat that. A whole boot-load of goodies belonging to 2 ladies and a gentleman! What a DAY! What a TIME! What an EXPERIENCE!
There were just no breaks at work. It's one deadline after another. Being chased by one person after another. And then, there were talks (rumors) of pay-cuts. That sucks and quite disheartening. Not that I work solely because of money, but that's an important factor. Work satisfaction is all important but if there were no compensation, who could afford to work?
On to a lighter note, other than work, it had been fun, fun, fun! I guess fun could be tiring too. Too much of a good thing, you know... I've been meeting up with friends, going shopping (I'm still standing) and catching up. Catching up with friends and catching up on my shopping...
I don't think I've shopped like this for ages. It's shopping everytime I went out (Other than the New Year BBQ), starting 24 Dec. And we had to go shopping for the BBQ too! This was a reminiscence of my US xmas-new year shopping 06/07! Ofcourse nothing could beat that. A whole boot-load of goodies belonging to 2 ladies and a gentleman! What a DAY! What a TIME! What an EXPERIENCE!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Break-Ups Are Painful: My 2-cents
That's why they are called break-ups. If a person did not feel pain or hurt or sad, that person is not normal.
Things begin and things end. That's the fact of life. Phases of life begin and old phases end. And on and on. That said, being a woman, especially if we didn't want the break-up, we'll have a thousand and one questions.
I'm writing this not because I just broke up. I'm writing this because I wanted to bring things out to the open. Talk it over in words and let the negativity flows away. So that we'll be filled with positivity and light and happiness. I see the therapeutic values in talking and writing.
Back to us having many, many questions. I'm going to write this as me going through the horrid ordeal.
Question 1: Why couldn't we work things out? If he loves me (as I love him), things could be worked out.
Point: He doesn't love me anymore.
If he loved me, he wouldn't have broken up with me. No matter how intensely I insisted that he loved me (still, a bit), that was just me. And my will that he would act as how I wanted him to act. Pressing the point with him will only backfire upon me.
Question 2: What happened? What changed? When did that happened? He promised he'll love me forever.
Point: Nobody knows for sure. But it happened.
Questioning him again and again would not work. He has no answer. But prolonged pestering would break him down, and he would give an answer that he hoped would satisfy me but most likely not the truth.
Question 3: Why couldn't he love me?
Point: He did.
But not anymore. Not everyone could persevere.
Things begin and things end. That's the fact of life. Phases of life begin and old phases end. And on and on. That said, being a woman, especially if we didn't want the break-up, we'll have a thousand and one questions.
I'm writing this not because I just broke up. I'm writing this because I wanted to bring things out to the open. Talk it over in words and let the negativity flows away. So that we'll be filled with positivity and light and happiness. I see the therapeutic values in talking and writing.
Back to us having many, many questions. I'm going to write this as me going through the horrid ordeal.
Question 1: Why couldn't we work things out? If he loves me (as I love him), things could be worked out.
Point: He doesn't love me anymore.
If he loved me, he wouldn't have broken up with me. No matter how intensely I insisted that he loved me (still, a bit), that was just me. And my will that he would act as how I wanted him to act. Pressing the point with him will only backfire upon me.
Question 2: What happened? What changed? When did that happened? He promised he'll love me forever.
Point: Nobody knows for sure. But it happened.
Questioning him again and again would not work. He has no answer. But prolonged pestering would break him down, and he would give an answer that he hoped would satisfy me but most likely not the truth.
Question 3: Why couldn't he love me?
Point: He did.
But not anymore. Not everyone could persevere.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
New Year 2009 BBQ
Yay! BBQ at Goy's. For year 2009. Surprisingly, I had fun. The food was good. The few good friends were there. Since there were there, I was sure the night would be good.
The night started off drizzling. Everybody were kind of worried about the rain. Soon and Goy had to re-assure many ppl who called that the event was still a GO. We were early and hung out at Goy's place. While we were there, he aired Mamma Mia, high def, on his big big Plasma TV. It was incredibly cool. The songs were still very nice and exciting.
Note to all: The food was still too much!
The night started off drizzling. Everybody were kind of worried about the rain. Soon and Goy had to re-assure many ppl who called that the event was still a GO. We were early and hung out at Goy's place. While we were there, he aired Mamma Mia, high def, on his big big Plasma TV. It was incredibly cool. The songs were still very nice and exciting.
Note to all: The food was still too much!
Shopaholic in me out and about
O ya, my shopping adventures continued on this weekend. It's kinda scary but I haven't felt this good for a while. For one year after coming back from the US, I -had been on a 'shopping-ban'. And then, after the leash was cut, I found that I was used to not going to shop for fun and couldn't get my rhythm, and had really dismal shopping outings. then, felt bad afterwards. That's horrible! Shopping is ONE of my favorite past-times.
I think started from a few months back, having to shop for my home kinda changed the whole thing. Since I needed to fill my house, I had to make time to shop and had ample reasons to spend money! Still, that was mostly on household items, furnitures and electrical stuff. But still, a good start!
Then, the Christmas holidays, with so many days off and so many sales and so many ppl around, it was shopping, shopping and shopping! I have shoes, shorts, jeans, tops, swimming stuff and hols decoration! It has been incredible! Awesome! Amazing!
Shopaholic me is back!
I think started from a few months back, having to shop for my home kinda changed the whole thing. Since I needed to fill my house, I had to make time to shop and had ample reasons to spend money! Still, that was mostly on household items, furnitures and electrical stuff. But still, a good start!
Then, the Christmas holidays, with so many days off and so many sales and so many ppl around, it was shopping, shopping and shopping! I have shoes, shorts, jeans, tops, swimming stuff and hols decoration! It has been incredible! Awesome! Amazing!
Shopaholic me is back!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year 2009
New Year's eve ended early by a few minutes when I witnessed the fireworks at the mainland of Penang which started about 10 mins before midnight. Or my clocks were slow. It was a long show which I enjoyed from the comfort of my balcony. Towards the end of the show, fireworks at other locations were started. This I know because of the noise.
This year, although, I was alone, surprisingly I didn't feel melancholy or sad. The fireworks really cheered me up. And dinner with close friends earlier had also bouyed me up for the countdown. And I had close friends online with whom I could count down with.
Last year (2008) had been a good year for me (although there were some low moments). I have broken out of some shells and chains that held me back from some of my personal goals. Thrown away some heavy baggage that was weighing me down. And brushed off things that were not meant for me. Taken a bold step and purchased my first home. Saying NO to more things. Doing things that make me happier. And spread my wings to Europe, which has been a long time dream of mine. So 2008 had been a liberating year for me.
Although I have gone some distance in 2008, there are still some areas to work on and new things that I would like to explore in 2009. I look forward to the year with gusto!
This year, although, I was alone, surprisingly I didn't feel melancholy or sad. The fireworks really cheered me up. And dinner with close friends earlier had also bouyed me up for the countdown. And I had close friends online with whom I could count down with.
Last year (2008) had been a good year for me (although there were some low moments). I have broken out of some shells and chains that held me back from some of my personal goals. Thrown away some heavy baggage that was weighing me down. And brushed off things that were not meant for me. Taken a bold step and purchased my first home. Saying NO to more things. Doing things that make me happier. And spread my wings to Europe, which has been a long time dream of mine. So 2008 had been a liberating year for me.
Although I have gone some distance in 2008, there are still some areas to work on and new things that I would like to explore in 2009. I look forward to the year with gusto!
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